Yesterday the Boston marathon was bombed.  Today Corry was in Boston.  Ironic that my gratitude that Corry wasn't someplace is a whole lot of other people's sorrow.

Lorenzo Snow

We are studying the life of Lorenzo Snow in Relief Society this year.  Yesterday's lesson really touched me, particularly this quote, "Many of you may have severe trials, that your faith may become more perfect, your confidence be increased, your knowledge of the powers of heaven be augmented; and this before your redemption takes place. If a stormy cloud sweep over the horizon … ; if the cup of bitter suffering be offered, and you compelled to partake; Satan let loose to go among you, with all his seductive powers of deceivings and cunning craftiness; the strong relentless arm of persecution lifted against you;—then, in that hour, lift up your heads and rejoice that you are accounted worthy to suffer thus with Jesus, the Saints, and holy prophets; and know that the period of your redemption has approached." (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, Chapter 7: Faithfulness in Times of Trial: “From the Shadows into the Glorious Sunshine”)

I loved this!  Rejoice that you are counted worthy to suffer with the Savior!  What amazing words!

Having a nostalgic moment

I am having a hard time writing my other blog right now as the tears fall down my cheeks.  I am truly happy, but sometimes I miss the more simple days that have passed.  The tiring days of my children all home all the time.  Holding babies, changing diapers and just feeling my children all close beside me.

As they have gotten older I love them, maybe more than I did then.  I see what they have become and what they are becoming.  I love who they are.  I sometimes mourn the days that are gone, yet at the same time I am so excited for the days ahead.  This motherhood journey is conflicting!

OK, I think I have it together enough to go on...

Anyone out there thinking of becoming a mother, just do it.  It is the most rewarding thing there is!

Thought this day would never happen

So I was really thinking this day would never happen.  I mean,  I used to always KNOW this day would happen, then it didn't so I began thinking this day would really never happen.  You know that day when your kids don't want you around anymore.

 I was good when my oldest started school, then when she got older I expected that day to come.  And it didn't!  3rd grade, 4th grade, 5th and 6th grade all passed with her running up to give me a big hug when I came in the room.  Then she stated junior high and I thought it would come.  Still didn't.  Then she started high school and I thought it would never happen, but mostly to the end of the year, it finally happened.

It really started when we went on our Disneyland trip and has just gotten worse.  Now she doesn't even want to spend her 16th birthday with her family.  I am torn between saying, no, you will spend your birthday with the one that gave birth to you; and realizing that she won't have a good time, will be more moody and no fun to be with anyway, so what to do?

Ahhh.  Sometimes being a mom is hard.  I love it.  Best job ever.  But somedays my heart strings are really torn.  This is one of those days...

On the happier side, houses are being built like crazy around us and I hope someday really soon it won't feel nearly so lonely here!

Mix of emotions

Today was a total mix of emotions!  It is the first day of spring break and I love having the kids home, but with having them home comes more fighting.  Not fighting exactly but sassy rudeness.  Man I wish they would treat others with more kindness!  Bu then there were moments of laughter, kindness and love.  I want to choose to remember those moments!

Starting all over, again

So since I really didn't keep up on the 365 days of gratitude very well, I have decided to use this blog a little differently.  I am solely going to use it as a journal, trying to find the positive in everyday, but some days it might take a lot of digging.  I was talking to a friend recently that reminded me of the importance of journal keeping.  I keep up on my family blog, sort of ish, but I don't always write down the things of my days that I would like to remember  because I forget by the time I am caught up.  So my other blog will be my family history, and this one will be my journal. I may turn it private, because sometime I may not want to have the world know my feelings yet, but we will see...

So lately I have been struggling a bit with finding joy.  There have been some family issues that have caused me heartache.  In my extended family there is so much tension sometimes.  Elder Huntsman spoke to our stake last weekend and admonished us to let things go.  We need to forgive and not hold onto things that happened 1, 5, 10 or more years ago.  He told us we can move forward and that that is why we have the Atonement.  I am often reminded of the scripture that tells us that if we forgive, God will forgive us, but if we don't forgive, He won't forgive us.   I need that forgiveness!

Also sometimes I get bogged down with poor decisions my children a making.  One of them is making particularly poor choices lately.  Sister Dalton taught that every choice matters to the Young Women at Conference.  That is also why I get weighed down.  I feel the importance and see the path that they might go down.  Yet at the same time President Uchtdorf taught of the importance on our journey in this life, to be of good cheer.

So I guess my goal this year is to be of good cheer.  Even when all those other things happen.  Be of good cheer.  Lets see how I do!